Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
We need to get me chipped asap
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