whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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