I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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