the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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