Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
