I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
