I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
