Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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