I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
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