What did we do last night that was yellow?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
this beer tastes like vomit already
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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