Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
