I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
