Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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