Fine. I'll sleep in my office
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
