According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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