this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
