maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
