There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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