meet me or not, i'm out of control
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
