They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
