I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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