I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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