he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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