it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
