Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
