I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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