I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
