beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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