hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
