I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
