yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
