When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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