I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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