Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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