If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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