He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He did a backflip because drugs
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
