So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
