my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
