boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
