One girl and one boy is just not enough.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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