ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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