I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize