hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
It's just like the Real World with babies
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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