I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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