Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
