Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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