yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
