I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
