Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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