my phone needs a breathalizer
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
