worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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