Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
