My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
