There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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