Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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