dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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