No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
We got so high we made milksteak
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
