drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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