Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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