My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
