There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
