I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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