I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
