good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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