Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
