I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
