there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
