ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
