Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
