you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
